I came across some headline on the Internet about Taylor Swift and a song she sang for this little boy that died from cancer. I clicked on the video and cried during the entire song. Here are the lyrics:
I remember your bare feet
Down the hallway
I remember your little laugh
Race cars on the kitchen floor
Plastic dinosaurs
I love you to the moon and back
I remember your blue eyes
Looking into mine
Like we had our own secret club
I remember your dancing before bedtime
Then jumping on me waking me up
I can still feel you hold my hand
Little man
And even in the moment I knew
You fought it hard like an army guard
Remember I, leaned in and whispered to you
Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years
I remember the drive home
When the blind hope
Turned to crying and screaming why
Flowers pile up in the worst way
No one knows what to say
About a beautiful boy who died
And its about to be Halloween
You could be anything
You wanted if you were still here
I remember the last day
When I kissed your face
And I whispered in your ear
Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
Out of this curtained room
And this hospital grey will just disappear
Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years
What if I'm standing in your closet
Trying to talk to you?
And what if I kept your hand-me-downs
You won't grow in to?
And what if I really thought some miracle
Would see us through?
And what if the miracle was even getting
One moment with you?
Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years
I remember you bare feet
Down the hallway
I love you to the moon and
Back...
This song was written for a little boy named Ronan Thompson who died from cancer right before his 4th birthday. He fought for his life for 8 months. His mother started a blog when she received the diagnosis and you can see the roller coaster ride of their life. Below is her post the day after her little boy died. This is so full of pain, torment and sweetness. Nobody should have to go through what this family has gone through.
http://rockstarronan.com/2011/05/09/where-is-ronan/#comments
After reading this Friday night, I grabbed J.R. from his bed and brought him into my bed to cuddle. Did I tell you that J.R. likes to cuddle with his mommy? This is the best time of my day, when J.R. and I cuddle. I sobbed for hours after reading Ronan's blog and kept hugging and kissing my little sleeping little guy. I felt SO lucky to have a healthy little boy. I had to stop reading Ronan's blog, it became too painful at a point. This poor family can't just stop reading like I had the luxury of doing, they had to and have to live this every day of their life. I have been thinking about it all weekend, trying not to take a thing for granted.
The purpose of this post is so I never forget how lucky I am.... I have a wonderful family, great friends and most of all a healthy son. I can't believe a parent would ever have to live without their child on this earth. I can't believe a child has to go through so much physical pain. I know that I have lived blindly in this life but this has opened my eyes to what could be and pray I will never have to deal with such a horrific tragedy.
This makes me want to be a better mother, a better wife and a better human being. I have a hard time living in the moment, I'm always trying to organize what's coming next. I will try to live in the moment because I am not guaranteed the next moment will come. Most importantly I will live each day to be a better mommy. I'm so lucky I am a mommy. Next time I'm tired and J.R. wants to play I will work through my tiredness and play with my little boy... feeling so lucky that J.R. can play. I need to feel fortunate that J.R. is not stuck in a hospital bed, fighting for his life and be ecstatic that he's tugging at my skirt wanting to play baseball or hockey. I should feel so fortunate that J.R. talks during movies and asks a ton of questions, at least he can sit up by himself and he's strong enough to speak. His nonstop questions should amaze me and not annoy me, I need to be thankful that his mind is working and growing.
I tell J.R. every night before he goes to bed I'm the luckiest mommy in the world to have a son like him. I tell him that he is the most special boy that I know and I love him more than anything in this world. He sweetly replies I love you too mommy let's cuddle. We cuddle and J.R. falls asleep squeezing my finger, just like he did when he was a baby. I LOVE you J.R. I always will, I'm one lucky mommy.
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| J.R. making a "funny face". |
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